Choice

I don’t like carrying my cell phone or being in the room with my laptop.

It gives me too many choices.

At every given moment, my brain is bound to realize “I could be watching Ted Talks right now,” “I could listen to the new _____ song right now,” “I could be learning about ______ right now,” and “I really should check my e-mail to see if that job responded.”

That amount of choice is paralyzing – I cannot stop my brain from constantly thinking of these things and it prevents me from performing any given task as efficiently as I could were the choice not there.

 

 

How can I reduce my amount of choice?That’s the fucking question!!

I thought about downloading music to study and then shutting down my Wi-fi – however, my brain will still know it can go turn the wi-fi back on at any given moment.

I thought about writing a schedule for myself every day that I have to follow and making some kind of punishment for every time I deviate from it – but I know my brain will decide at any given moment to break it and just say “fuck u and ur punishment schedule, do wat tha fuk i want bitch lol suk it”

This is very serious to me – I am off school right now with no duties – but at every moment, like right now, I’m thinking how maybe it would have been a better decision to go to the park, meditate, make music, listen to music, analyze music, or read a book instead of writing this blog post.

This fucking blog isn’t going anywhere why the fuck am I’m writing this anyway? Music is what I really want to be pursuing. The park would have been a great opportunity for my mind to mull over how to reduce my own choice! I would feel so calm and relaxed right now if I had went to the park instead! I want to get to that 2 hour meditation mark and I could have had I not sat down and wrote my blog!

Right now I think the only way is to move somewhere with no internet. But I’ll have the option in my face at all times – I can just come back or go to a fucking internet cafe. So I think I’m doomed with this amount of choices forever.

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