When I decide whether or not I will have vanilla or chocolate ice cream, I experience my brain making a rational decision of which I will enjoy more.

I experience the feeling of my rational brain – my rational brain works as automatically as my liver or my heart, I simply experience it weighing the options back and forth.

That is my rational explanation for not believing in free will.

However, just as many say they believe in free will because it helps them, I also identify part of my ego with not believing in free will. Thus, I am very resistant to any argument for the existence of free will because I now identify with many comforting beliefs which stem from my belief of a lack of personal free will. 

When I feel awkward in a situation – it wasn’t my fault, something was wrong in my gut biome which made my anxiety higher, or I emotionally felt unconfident because of the situation and was unable to act confident. Because I do not have free will, I cannot increase my own self-esteem by telling myself certain things. 

What’s really right? Can I ever purely objectively believe anything that has any implication to my self of self?

No matter what I believe – one truth does exist. I have free will or I don’t (or some more complex understanding is correct). However, my belief has no influence on what is actually true.